5 Feeding Mistakes Parents Make with Picky Eaters (And What to Do Instead)

5 Feeding Mistakes Parents Make with Picky Eaters

Feeding your child shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells—but when you’re dealing with food refusal, mealtime meltdowns, and a menu that’s shrinking by the week, it’s easy to feel defeated.

The truth? Most parents are doing everything they can—and still feel stuck.

After working with hundreds of families inside my Unlocking Mealtimes™ program, I’ve seen the same patterns repeat again and again. And it’s not because parents are doing something “wrong”—it’s because most of the advice out there is either outdated, overly behavioral, or just doesn’t work for severe picky eaters.

Let’s change that. Below are 5 of the most common feeding mistakes I see—and exactly what to do instead.

Mistake #1: Pressuring or Bribing Your Child to Eat

You know the lines:

It might sound like encouragement, but this is one of the most common feeding mistakes parents make. Pressure—even in the form of a “reward”—disrupts a child’s ability to listen to their hunger cues. Instead of feeling curious about food, they feel manipulated or judged.

Bribes also send a subtle message that the food must be unpleasant if you need a reward to get through it. That can build resistance over time and actually make the food sound less appealing– opposite of your goal!

What to do instead: Shift from compliance to curiosity. Comment on the food’s texture, color, or smell. Use open-ended language: “I wonder what this one tastes like?” Model calm exploration without pushing bites. Your goal isn’t to “get them to eat” today—it’s to build trust for tomorrow.

Mistake #2: Skipping Mealtime Structure and Eating Separately

Many families default to feeding kids early and separate from themselves (often at a totally different table!), letting them graze throughout the day, or eating in shifts. It might seem easier in the short term—you can clean the kitchen, prep your own meal, or just enjoy the quiet while they eat—but this seemingly harmless habit can snowball into a much bigger issue.

When kids eat apart from parents, they don’t get to see how food is enjoyed, how it’s chewed and swallowed, or how we stay regulated during a meal. Often, they’re given different foods entirely, so they don’t even learn to expect the same foods as everyone else. Over time, this widens the gap between “kid food” and “real food,” and it sends a subtle message: mealtimes are something that happen to them, not with them.

Separate mealtimes also impact connection. Sitting down at the table together isn’t just about nutrition—it’s about shared experience. When you’re always eating separately, your child misses your calming presence, your body language, and your modeling of curiosity. It reinforces disconnection and can make picky eating feel more like a power struggle than a shared moment.

What to do instead: Build a predictable rhythm: three meals and two snacks at set intervals. Say no to constant grazing and yes to intentional eating. Ditch the kids’ table and make shared mealtimes your new normal—even if it’s just 10 minutes. Let them see you eating the same foods, calmly exploring new bites, and enjoying the process. You’re not just feeding them food—you’re feeding their mindset. Build a predictable rhythm: three meals and two snacks at set intervals. Limit grazing and create mealtime rituals where you sit and eat together—even if just for 10 minutes. Let your child see you enjoying the food you serve.

Mistake #3: Letting Liquids Replace Real Meals

This is an often-overlooked feeding mistake parents make—but it has a real impact. Whether it’s milk, smoothies, Pediasure, or even just endless sips of water, too many liquids can suppress appetite and throw off natural hunger cues.

Many parents offer liquids out of love or concern—especially when growth is a worry. You might think, “At least they’re getting something in.” But here’s the catch: when kids constantly drink throughout the day, they never experience true hunger. And without hunger, food loses its purpose. The drive to explore, try, and learn to eat is dulled.

Even water, while essential, can be overdone. Yes, hydration matters—especially in hot weather or when active—but hydration doesn’t require constant sipping all day long. Drinking to thirst and drinking in rhythm with meals is enough for most kids. Grazing on liquids is still grazing, and it fills space meant for food.

And with calorie-dense liquids like milk or nutritional shakes? You might be getting calories in, but it often comes at the cost of learning to eat. These drinks are meant to supplement—not replace—a varied, solid diet. And many contain additives, sugars, and fillers that aren’t ideal for gut health or appetite regulation.

What to do instead: Serve drinks with meals and limit in-between sipping. Be mindful, not fearful. Offer water regularly but in appropriate amounts, and avoid letting milk or shakes become the go-to “meal.” If you’re unsure how much liquid is appropriate, track it for a few days and compare it with your child’s age and weight guidelines. And remember: liquids are not the solution to picky eating—they often prolong it. Serve drinks with meals and limit in-between sipping. Track how much they’re drinking to see if it exceeds age-appropriate guidelines. Be especially cautious with formulas, shakes, or juices that contain added sugars, additives, or preservatives.

Mistake #4: Giving Up on Foods Too Quickly

“She said she doesn’t like broccoli, so we stopped offering it.” This is one of the easiest feeding mistakes parents make—because it feels logical. But in reality, kids’ preferences swing wildly. One “no thanks” doesn’t mean never again.

Children—especially those in toddler and preschool stages—often think in extremes. Their language and understanding are black-and-white: “I love this” or “I hate that.” What they really mean when they say “I don’t like it” could be:

But young children don’t always have the language to express those nuances. So instead, they fall back on absolutes like “I don’t like it.”

If you take that statement at face value and stop offering the food entirely, you’re reinforcing rigidity—and sending the message that food is either permanently in or permanently out. This quickly narrows their menu and limits future flexibility.

What to do instead: Model how to talk about food preferences with more nuance. Say things like: “That’s not your favorite right now? That’s okay, sometimes we get bored of foods.” Or, “You don’t have to like it today. You can say, ‘It’s not something I want right now.’”

And always continue to present the food—without pressure. A small portion next to safe foods is enough. You can say, “I’ll leave it here in case you change your mind.” That’s it. Keep the door open. Let the exposure continue. That’s how trust builds—and how preferences evolve. Keep the food in rotation—just without pressure. Offer a small portion on their plate next to safe foods. Use language like: “You don’t have to want it today, but it’s here if you change your mind.” Let exposure itself be the goal.

Mistake #5: Ignoring Sensory or Oral-Motor Feeding Issues

If your child gags, spits out food, covers their ears at the table, or stores food in their cheeks, these may be signs of sensory or oral-motor difficulties—not defiance.

Many parents assume their child is just being stubborn or will “grow out of it,” but that belief can delay real progress. Underlying issues like tongue weakness, poor food control, discomfort with specific textures, or even gut inflammation could be driving food refusal.

Gut issues are one of the most overlooked contributors. When digestion is off—due to inflammation, constipation, food sensitivities, or microbiome imbalance—eating feels physically uncomfortable. And what do kids do when something feels bad? They avoid it.

We’ve worked with hundreds of families, and one pattern is painfully clear: The longer parents wait to get help, the more compounded the issues become. We often meet families whose child is down to fewer than 10 foods. At that point, even when we identify the root causes—sensory, oral-motor, gut-related—we’re left with very little to work with. Progress is still possible, but it takes longer.

When kids enter our program in the Fearful stage with under 10 foods, it often takes 12+ months to rebuild their relationship with food. But when families come in during the Stuck phase, and the child still has 15–30 foods, progress tends to happen within 3–6 months—sometimes even faster, depending on how much effort parents put in at home.

This is why we always say: don’t wait. Don’t let your child’s menu shrink to survival mode before asking for help. The earlier we intervene, the easier and faster the turnaround.

What to do instead: Observe how your child interacts with food. Do they avoid certain textures, temperatures, or smells? Are they able to chew and swallow without issue? Do they show signs of discomfort after eating?

If anything feels off, don’t wait. Consult a feeding therapist trained to assess oral-motor function, sensory sensitivities, and gut-related contributors. The earlier you identify the root cause, the sooner real progress begins. Observe how your child interacts with food. Do they avoid specific textures or temperatures? Are they able to chew and swallow efficiently? If anything seems off, consult a feeding therapist trained to assess oral-motor and sensory patterns. That’s where real progress begins.

Bonus Mistake: Labeling Your Child as a ‘Picky Eater’

This one is sneaky—but powerful. You might casually say, “He’s just picky” or “She only eats snacks” in front of others—but your child hears it. And they absorb it.

Labels stick. The more a child hears themselves described this way, the more they begin to identify with it. That becomes their role at the table. I had a child once say, “I only eat goldfish.” It became his mantra and part of his identity. But guess who said it first? A well-meaning parent trying to explain his eating struggles. When a child hears, “He only eats goldfish,” he begins to believe that’s just who he is.

And it’s not just labels. It’s comparisons too:

These comments might seem like motivation—but they rarely inspire change. Instead, they create shame, frustration, and self-doubt.

Think of it this way: Imagine someone commenting in front of your partner or friends, “She’s so disorganized—she can never keep anything straight.” Even if said with a laugh, wouldn’t that sting? Wouldn’t part of you start to wonder if that’s just your identity now? Words repeated often enough become beliefs. And beliefs shape behavior.

What to do instead: Reframe how you talk about your child’s eating—even when you’re frustrated. Use growth-focused, neutral phrases like:

Language shapes belief—and belief drives progress. Help your child build an identity rooted in capability and growth, not limits and labels. Reframe how you talk about your child’s eating. Try phrases like: “He’s still learning to try new foods” or “She’s working on building her menu.” Language shapes belief—and belief drives progress.

You’re Not a Bad Parent. You Just Need a Better Plan.

These mistakes are incredibly common—and totally fixable. If you saw yourself in one (or more) of them, take a deep breath. This is your invitation to try something new.

Start by taking my free quiz to figure out where your child is in their feeding journey and what support will help the most.

👉 Take the Picky Eater Quiz to unlock your next best step.

We’re here to help you turn mealtimes around—one small shift at a time.